Order Only: Private Message to Remus

[alt_sirius]

Have you packed in yet?

I think I've got a draft worth reading (finally). Unless you're too knackered? I'd like to finish it tonight if I can do.

It's not very fiery but I think it hits the strong points.

There's a section - I want to make sure it gets to what Alice and I were talking about, the manifesto of sorts.

Comments

[alt_lupin]

And 'those who join me' suggests you're trying to form an organisation. I think it would be good to make it clear this organisation exists.

Maybe some play on the idea of a Council.

[alt_sirius]

Right. That still has the problem that getting input from the others takes time. Time we don't have if I want to strike while the bludger is in the air.


And the reason I don't like you being in the room is you always snatch the parchment away to scribble on it. This way I can scribble on my own copy and you can on yours.

[alt_lupin]

Well, if you don't think you can put that bit in without asking everyone else in the Order, then by all means leave it out.

I think you should get this up tonight, one way or the other (and then come to bed).

[alt_sirius]

Also - the rights. I do think I should add something about the right not to get blown up. Not sure how to phrase it with the proper 'gravitas' so that's on you, if you're so clever.

[alt_lupin]

'The right to go about one's business without fear of becoming the victim of random violence'

[alt_sirius]

Almost.

'...without fear of or resorting to random violence' - that makes it clearer that we're not the ones perpetrating the acts.

All right. I think that'll do.