Sirius Black

We've finished.

Terrie's rounded up everyone and told them they can stay or go, but if they stay they've got to stay within the boundaries of the southwest collective. She'll station herself near the gates so that as the others arrive this morning, she can pick out the ones she thinks are sympathetic and offer them entry. This will be another Aldrich, I think: It's up to them how to self-govern.

Frank, what's your situation? We're bloody exhausted and Jeremy's got to get to work but we'll come out there if you need us.

Right. Well, our Institute members had a swift cuppa here yesterday, then we let them use the Floo to get to Milton Keynes. (The only hard part there was finding an active grate!) From there they flew toward the coordinates Terrie had supplied for the farm.

Harry, Justin, from what you lot said yesterday you didn't hit any trouble, but you got close enough to see that it was fairly well fortified, yeah?

Terrie did reply to my owl, too, and said she's still working on convincing some of the residents that she's on their side. I've told her to go careful. She's got her little boy to think of, and all. She said in her letter that it's slow going but it's going. She's had to stop letting Beth's people pass through, in the interim, too.

So Alice, I think we'd best keep in touch with her, but let her tell us when things there are ripe for an uprising. She did send me a copy of the new identity papers for someone being transferred, as well as the type of badge they let the overseers use, so we might be able to infiltrate sometime in the next month, before they change the forms again, and see for ourselves. Perhaps an appearance by a bonafide rebel will help impel them to act in concert.


Meanwhile, Bill, how are you feeling, mate? Anytime you want to come by, do.

On the mend?

Or should I steer clear a couple more days? I can stay and work with Macnair on undermining the Death Eaters' circle if you and Dora still want some time by yourselves.

You asked what happened with Terrie and like I said, I've been wanting to tell you - I'm still trying to figure it all out myself.

First, though, tell Dora I'll travel on Tuesday, okay? Lucinda got a message to the witch in Cotgrave - her name is Langworthy - and we're to meet tomorrow.

Well.

I guess the first thing I should do is reassure you that I have not abandoned Terrie. Things are far from resolved but it's not as if I've simply chucked her or anything.

It's funny, though, the things I never thought would matter but do. I think I told you that there's a strong possibility that her child was fathered by her boss. She admitted that much right away, it's part of what's upsetting her. Merlin knows I sympathise - no witch in her right mind would want to make a baby with that bastard - but I can't quite ignore that she knew the risk when she dropped her protections. I certainly can't ignore that she made the decision without my consent, either.

So I guess, under those circumstances, I have to admit that the child's paternity does matter to me. Though not entirely for the reasons she assumed. When I asked if she intended to perform a paternity charm, she turned defensive as anything. Some of her accusations were probably on the mark - as I said, I am somewhat doubtful the child's mine, since it was barely four weeks since I'd seen her when she told me, so the timing was awfully quick if she hadn't been expecting to succeed. And she's right that if Birchmore caught even a whiff of Terrie going to a hedgewitch for a paternity test he'd start by firing her and it'd get worse from there.

The real reason's far more complicated, of course. But that's not important right now. What's important is that she assumed I'd tell her exactly what you assumed I'd tell her; That I don't care who the father is, that I'll stay involved either way, that of course I love her and I'll love the child and - well.

And it's not that I blame her, exactly, for wanting someone to save her from Birchmore's attentions. But it's not as if I can simply acknowledge the child and marry her and send her off to Moddey. She's still reticent to work for the Order on a regular basis - doesn't even really want to know more about us, save what she's already guessed and done. She's afraid. Afraid for her mother, afraid to lose what she's already managed to scrape together for herself - and frankly I don't think, deep down, she really wants to leave that life.

As for my other reasons .... It's just. You know, I always said I didn't want kids of my own. I've even been careful to avoid women who already have children or who might want to settle down. Now that I'm confronted with the prospect, I realise - it does matter to me whether the child is a Black. Especially if it's a boy. Isn't that odd?

I just - we can't seem to come to any sort of agreement about it. I know what she wants me to say and do, I know that at least in part she deliberately manipulated the situation so that I would feel obligated to rescue her. And yet she doesn't really want rescue so much as ... legitimacy. Which I don't have to point out to you is the one thing I certainly can't give her in the eyes of the Protectorate.

I told her that I couldn't take responsibility for the child without knowing for sure that I'm the father. She said she might be able to get her mediwitch to test this month - it's her four-month check, so that's the right timing anyway, as you probably know better than I. Until then, we're at an impasse, I suppose.

Well. That's what's happened. Now it's your turn to tell me I'm out of order and then Allie will do and then - I dunno, I suppose I'll live in a cave like a hermit rather than risk this sort of pickle again.