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Allie, I saw your note of yesterday. Time to let you two in on a little secret: I've become a tutor again. At this rate I shall be as qualified as anyone at Moddey at teaching muggleborns.
You've no idea how the proximity of the Dementors is affecting everyone up the castle - for myself, I find I'm in no mood to have an argument with Poppy or Minerva or any of them, so except for Pomona I'm simply steering clear.
Well, that's ... problematic when the N.E.W.T. exams are ongoing (And O.W.L.s next week, as we've just been reminded). I had to break cover and get myself up to that extra-large storage cupboard up on the 6th floor (Moony, you know the one we used to lock up the Slytherin team's brooms that year they were being absolutely murderous about the Final?). I made it inside no problem - as Padfoot, just in case. I mean to say, not that a large dog wouldn't raise just as much alarm, if he were seen, but at least it wouldn't be another sighting of Sirius Black's ghost, eh?
As I say, I made it to the cupboard but I wanted to put a locking charm on and another to alert me should anyone come too close. That meant wands, of course, which meant I needed my thumbs.
I swear I looked about before I changed. I promise you both I was sure I was completely alone, not a whiff of Peeves or any teachers patrolling. Not even to Padfoot's nose. But no sooner did I change than I heard a tiny gasp from the corridor to the left, just where it turns. I don't know which of us was more startled or more frightened.
No, I do know - I was more startled, but he was more frightened. Our Terry.
Allie, if you could see him. You'd want to catch him up and hold him tight until he just about breaks. Skin and bones, practically, and stunted despite the regular meals he's been getting with Minerva (and I gather he can cadge the house-elves with the best of them). And so scared of what I'd do. I ought to have Obliviated him on the spot - if he'd been a student I certainly would have done - but the moment I realised it had to be Terry, I just couldn't do it.
The moment he realised who I was, he practically fell to the ground and wanted to know what he could do to help. It was more than a little embarrassing, to tell truth - worse than Turner that first time, and that includes him falling overboard trying to hop from Frank's boat to mine. It was just ... Merlin, the boy looked at me with such ... trust. Absolute faith, like my being at Hogwarts meant liberation on the spot.
Once we both recovered our wits, he asked about the transformation. 'Could you teach me to do that? I've been trying on my own but I can't seem to get anywhere.'
Well. In for a Sickle, in for a Galleon, right? 'Only if you promise not to tell anyone,' I heard myself saying. 'Not just that I'm alive and here at Hogwarts, either. The Ministry don't know I'm an Animagus - no one can know that, do you understand?'
He fell to his knees again, swearing all sorts of loyalty and repeating that he'd do anything to help the fabled Sirius Black.
Merlin. I hope I never get used to people treating me like a messiah.
Anyway, we met again last night and after that exchange he had with Carrow I decided just helping him with a transformation isn't enough. I mean to say, I think he could do it eventually, he's got a good deal of innate talent, but it'll take him a while yet. He needs better defences and more quickly than that. I ... I told him to bring his wand next time.
I know, I shouldn't have let on that I know he has a wand. He put it together immediately, much more quickly than I would have guessed, that I must have had a hand in getting the wands for him and others like him. (MORE grovelling, which I could only get him to stop by putting him back on to showing me what he can do with the blessed thing.) He and Hermione have been working - and I think, Allie, with your Neville. At least, he seems quite friendly with your boy, from some of the questions he was asking. He's got some strong instincts for shielding and blocking spells. I think he'll need significant work at offence, as he's really rather timid about taking the initiative. And no wonder, with monsters like Carrow kicking him about his whole life.
We plan to meet about every other night. More than that and I fear he'll drop from exhaustion. But meanwhile, I wanted you two, especially, to know that I'm in contact with him, and looking out for him along with Harry and Hermione.
Better get myself hidden before the students start tromping about.
Oh - Hermione knows and I've confirmed with him that he can talk to her about it, though I haven't said that she has anything to do with us. He'll probably work that out on his own, as well. Fiendish clever, he is, did I mention?
You've no idea how the proximity of the Dementors is affecting everyone up the castle - for myself, I find I'm in no mood to have an argument with Poppy or Minerva or any of them, so except for Pomona I'm simply steering clear.
Well, that's ... problematic when the N.E.W.T. exams are ongoing (And O.W.L.s next week, as we've just been reminded). I had to break cover and get myself up to that extra-large storage cupboard up on the 6th floor (Moony, you know the one we used to lock up the Slytherin team's brooms that year they were being absolutely murderous about the Final?). I made it inside no problem - as Padfoot, just in case. I mean to say, not that a large dog wouldn't raise just as much alarm, if he were seen, but at least it wouldn't be another sighting of Sirius Black's ghost, eh?
As I say, I made it to the cupboard but I wanted to put a locking charm on and another to alert me should anyone come too close. That meant wands, of course, which meant I needed my thumbs.
I swear I looked about before I changed. I promise you both I was sure I was completely alone, not a whiff of Peeves or any teachers patrolling. Not even to Padfoot's nose. But no sooner did I change than I heard a tiny gasp from the corridor to the left, just where it turns. I don't know which of us was more startled or more frightened.
No, I do know - I was more startled, but he was more frightened. Our Terry.
Allie, if you could see him. You'd want to catch him up and hold him tight until he just about breaks. Skin and bones, practically, and stunted despite the regular meals he's been getting with Minerva (and I gather he can cadge the house-elves with the best of them). And so scared of what I'd do. I ought to have Obliviated him on the spot - if he'd been a student I certainly would have done - but the moment I realised it had to be Terry, I just couldn't do it.
The moment he realised who I was, he practically fell to the ground and wanted to know what he could do to help. It was more than a little embarrassing, to tell truth - worse than Turner that first time, and that includes him falling overboard trying to hop from Frank's boat to mine. It was just ... Merlin, the boy looked at me with such ... trust. Absolute faith, like my being at Hogwarts meant liberation on the spot.
Once we both recovered our wits, he asked about the transformation. 'Could you teach me to do that? I've been trying on my own but I can't seem to get anywhere.'
Well. In for a Sickle, in for a Galleon, right? 'Only if you promise not to tell anyone,' I heard myself saying. 'Not just that I'm alive and here at Hogwarts, either. The Ministry don't know I'm an Animagus - no one can know that, do you understand?'
He fell to his knees again, swearing all sorts of loyalty and repeating that he'd do anything to help the fabled Sirius Black.
Merlin. I hope I never get used to people treating me like a messiah.
Anyway, we met again last night and after that exchange he had with Carrow I decided just helping him with a transformation isn't enough. I mean to say, I think he could do it eventually, he's got a good deal of innate talent, but it'll take him a while yet. He needs better defences and more quickly than that. I ... I told him to bring his wand next time.
I know, I shouldn't have let on that I know he has a wand. He put it together immediately, much more quickly than I would have guessed, that I must have had a hand in getting the wands for him and others like him. (MORE grovelling, which I could only get him to stop by putting him back on to showing me what he can do with the blessed thing.) He and Hermione have been working - and I think, Allie, with your Neville. At least, he seems quite friendly with your boy, from some of the questions he was asking. He's got some strong instincts for shielding and blocking spells. I think he'll need significant work at offence, as he's really rather timid about taking the initiative. And no wonder, with monsters like Carrow kicking him about his whole life.
We plan to meet about every other night. More than that and I fear he'll drop from exhaustion. But meanwhile, I wanted you two, especially, to know that I'm in contact with him, and looking out for him along with Harry and Hermione.
Better get myself hidden before the students start tromping about.
Oh - Hermione knows and I've confirmed with him that he can talk to her about it, though I haven't said that she has anything to do with us. He'll probably work that out on his own, as well. Fiendish clever, he is, did I mention?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-13 04:00 pm (UTC)Merlin, Sirius.
I don't care how much he promised to keep your secrets, that is an enormous security breach.
Even if he only knew that you were alive, that would be one thing, but your animagus powers were your trump card -- the secret that no Death Eater knew, and now one of their servants has found you out.
It frightens me that you were so easily discovered, and it frightens me that he knows so very much now. Nearly as much as Hermione, only without the protection of the Unbreakable Vow. And I know Minerva is watching over him now, but yesterday shows that Carrow man still has power over him.
This is all very precarious, Sirius, love. And your offering to teach him, while well-intentioned, exposes the both of you to potential discovery even more.
My heart aches for him, and what he's been through. I see that you want to help him so very badly. I know where that impulse comes from, and I've asked Minerva countless times to take him away from that horrible place for good, only to be told that it would raise too much attention, that Carrow would track him down somehow exposing Moddey Dhoo to Death Eaters, that it would jeopardize her position as Headmistress. And I understand, even though I don't agree.
But his knowing that you are an animagus is just such an incredible risk.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-13 06:16 pm (UTC)Look, it's not as if I leapt out at him or took a foolish risk. I don't know HOW he came upon me. It was the middle of the night. Everyone should have been asleep and I avoided all the professors, prefects - even the ghosts.
And it's not as if I chose for him to see me change, but that's what happened. I did ask Hermione if he could be trusted - if I should meet him again only to modify his memories. She got a little shirty with me, actually. Said that if I did she'd tell him. Well, we know she can't break Order secrets but I think that tells us a lot about him.
Now that I've seen him close to, I just don't understand why Minerva doesn't simply invent an excuse or fake an accident to get him to Moddey Dhoo. He's wasted with Carrow - wasted, Alice. And I think he's got a good shot at mastering the transformation, as I said. There's aptitude there.
I know I oughtn't have said anything to him about his wand. I know. I just ... he's already learning from Minerva and from Poppy and Pomona, whatever they can leave lying about for him to soak up. He needs some practical help, though - more than other kids his own age can give him.
Hermione says he's excellent at keeping secrets. Puts him one over me, that. Given what we've seen, he's got Carrow fooled. I do believe he'll be able to keep his head down enough to avoid being noticed.
Let me see how things go. Maybe by year's end we could convince Minerva to bring him under the Order's protection? If not actually at Moddey, then at least get him his own portkey and let him read behind the lock. He's a good lad and he needs us. He needs to know that he can count on Poppy or Pomona or Minerva. Right now they're only telling him they'll help him when it's convenient.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-13 09:27 pm (UTC)I know that he promised, and that he wouldn't tell Carrow if he had any choice in the matter. I only worry that with Carrow, there may come a situation where he won't have that choice. Up til now, keeping him in the dark about where his wand came from was for his own safety as well as our own.
Minerva will be furious with you.
I'm assuming you haven't told her yet.
Frank and I are fully on board with the idea of a portkey, yes. We have been since we came up with one for Hermione. And if you push for it as well, and we get Arthur and Molly to see reason, we might convince the nay-sayers of that much. It doesn't even have to be to Moddey Dhoo -- it could be a Portkey to one of our safehouses so he wouldn't endanger us if he were somehow tracked. But letting him in under the Order Lock is something else entirely. I don't tell my own son what we do, Sirius. And Hermione is under an Unbreakable Vow for her part. I know that you think it'd do him good to have that connection, but we must balance it carefully -- knowing there are people out there that care for him is very different than knowing about Moddey Dhoo, or knowing about all of the people that are trying to work out in the open like Kingsley and Arthur and Bill -- and Minerva and Poppy and Remus and Tonks for that matter.
You said he asked after us. Frank and me. What did he say, exactly?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-13 09:35 pm (UTC)I understand the urge to help the boy, I honestly do. You know I've always pushed for him and Hermione to be disappeared away to Moddey Dhoo at the first possible opportunity. But while he's still at risk from Carrow, this is a huge responsibility to place on already overburdened shoulders. Of course Hermione trusts him, and I'm glad to know she has such a good friend that she can talk to about these things. But he knows so much now, all your secrets, certainly enough to destroy you, and possibly all of us as well. Requiring the boy to hold in such a huge secret is just too much. I'm quite sure he feels entirely up to the task, and perhaps he is, but it's not fair on him.
Besides all that, what are you still doing up there? The place is full of rampaging NEWT and OWL students, investigating Aurors, angry, depressed professors, surprisingly observant students, and apparently very little danger to Harry. What are you hoping to accomplish, besides avoiding one Terrie and tutoring another?
no subject
Date: 2011-05-14 12:58 am (UTC)