Order Only: Private Message to Moony

[alt_sirius]

Found an empty house to kip for a bit. Catch up on the journals.

Merlin, Mordred and Morgana.

Still no word from Albus?

I shouldn't have left.

Comments

[alt_lupin]

No. No word from Albus. Neither directly, or through any of the Order at Hogwarts. Apparently after kidnapping Harry, duelling Voldemort, and rescuing Ridley, he's spent the day relaxing over Transfiguration essays that needed grading.

[alt_sirius]

Bloody Erebus.

Are we as mad as they are? I mean to say, they keep bowing down to the will of an absolute tyrant. But we keep indulging the whims of a complete eccentric.

What was he thinking, rescuing that Alpha bitch and not Harry?

If I had my way I'd have Frank make him a Portkey and make him use it, even if it meant sending him to Moddey where I'd not see him until this is over.

[alt_lupin]

I'm not sure we even ARE indulging the whims of a complete eccentric. He hasn't led the Order for years; it's been Minerva.

He's running his own show.

It's awfully nice imagining everyone we care about at Moddey. We could ship Harry there. Neville. Ron and Ginny. Let's add your correspondents to the mix; they can pester Alice with their questions instead of you for a while.

[alt_sirius]

Minerva's hardly any better, in a way. But at least she's managed to keep the book secret and protect the students. And I know he wants that.

The thing is, I don't want them all at Moddey. I want Hogwarts to be what it's supposed to be. And to be able to see Harry every holiday, watch every Quidditch match .... If Albus isn't going to tell us what his game is then -

Fucking hell, Remus. Voldemort killed a man and then dared Harry to do it better. And the Razzer. Harry didn't want to admit anything in front of me but I could tell that he knew Voldemort chose to torture Raz more because it would twist Harry into paroxysms of guilt than any other real reason.

Like you said. He chooses to exploit Harry's sense of morality, turn it into something he thinks makes him weak.

I know that game far too well.

[alt_lupin]

Raz and Lucius both -- I don't think any more of Malfoy than you do, but he's been a father figure to Harry.

Because everything that makes Harry decent -- his compassion, his loyalty to his friends, all of it -- is weakness, to Voldemort. Something to be rooted out.

That tactic can backfire, though. Case in point. That's some reason to hope, anyway.

[alt_sirius]

S'pose. I figure that's part of why Harry tried to not to show how much it frightened him: He doesn't want me to think less of him for caring what happens to them.

It can do, yeah. More often it doesn't. Or he'll take some desperate measure to make sure that it poisons the well.

Malfoy, for example. Harry said he wasn't even very coherent about why he Cruciated Malfoy - just did it in his rage. But I wonder if there was a method to it. If he's trying to drive a wedge between Harry and Draco? Not sure what for but perhaps to make sure that Draco stops indulging Harry's sentimentality?

Or perhaps I'm - what's the term? - projecting. For some reason I can't get my father's last duel out of my head today. The way he saw it, if he killed James's father, James would never forgive me. Bringing my uncle along for extra assurance.

Didn't figure on Cyrus being just as fast as them both combined, did he? Or on James being twice as forgiving as I'd ever been.

[alt_lupin]

Well, that's just it, isn't it?

People like your father -- or Voldemort -- they think they get it. Your father thought if he killed Cyrus, James and Grace would never forgive you, and would cast you out the way the Blacks had. Because HE was the sort of person who believed that the actions of one family member tarnished everyone with the same last name. Because HE would have held a grudge like that. The idea that James and Grace would say, 'that bastard took Cyrus away from us, but damned if we're going to let him take Sirius' -- that was beyond his capacity to imagine.

And so he died for nothing. And took your uncle with him. The one thing he thought he'd accomplish was beyond his power even when he picked up his wand.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here, but I think Harry's finding his way to this -- to the idea that you can defy people like Voldemort simply by refusing to be anything other than who you are.

[alt_sirius]

Yes. But Cyrus was just as dead. Did you know he'd been ill? He decided it was worth it to stop my father's vendetta.

Harry may be coming to the revelation, sure. But he's also coming to see that defying Voldemort means one thing and one thing only.


You know what?


I'm not curling up in some abandoned house by myself tonight. I want to sleep in my bed. With YOU.

Is it clear to Apparate back? Or should I aim for the next alley over and slip back in as Sinbad?

Don't suppose you'd be willing to suddenly fancy a pot of ginger tea, in the middle of the night?

[alt_lupin]

I've put the kettle on.

Better aim for the next alley over; I hear Ellie stirring, though I tried not to wake her. She's been checking for you all hours. I think she'll sleep better when she sees you're back.