Order Only: Private Message to Dora

[alt_sirius]

So, er, Charlie mentioned that ... well, he said in passing that you've been feeling loads of pressure and that it's partly what prompted what he called wanting to 'run away from home.'

I mean to say, everyone deserves a holiday now and then and beyond that, I hope if you ever feel as if you need to leave the Ministry or change what you're doing for the Order, you've only to say and we'll make the necessary adjustments. It's useful but not if it means sacrificing your sanity, love.

But the way Charlie said it sounded as if it were something more related to home - that is, to Doughty Conduit and Grimmauld.

And I just .... I wanted to make sure - I mean, ask: It's not something I've done, is it? I mean, I've not made you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome or unappreciated or anything, I hope. And if I have done, or if it's something else - well. I hope you'd tell me (or even tell Remus to tell me) so I can try to stop whatever's the problem. If I can, that is.

Of course, if it's something Remus did, feel free to hex his ears off. I might even help. (If it was Kreacher I'll definitely help!)

I don't mean to sound like I assume that the way you feel is at heart an issue that's all about me, far from it. Just that I know if there's one person who could uncomplicate your life just by not existing, it's me. So naturally I'm going to treat myself as the prime suspect in your unhappiness. If that makes sense. Or at least that I must be guilty until proven innocent.

Anyway. It's a long-winded way of saying: Whatever's wrong, if anything is wrong, don't keep it to yourself, kiddo.

Comments

[alt_nymphadora]

I-

What did Charlie say to make you think that?

I mean to say, he's right that I jumped at the chance for a bit of a holiday. And I did enjoy it awfully much. More than I meant to admit to anyone other than him. But it's fair enough for you to ask.

I really haven't any complaints: I've got the best kind of family I can think of with Bea and two lovely blokes to share bringing her up. And we've the shop and the garden and the people there, that's nothing to complain about. But the rest of it, I admit, can be... tiring. It's nothing more than you already know, though. And I wouldn't give up the camp visits. Not for anything. I've just got to keep making it work.

And I did enjoy the day out. That's all.

[alt_sirius]

You're sure?

Good. I mean - yes, we all get overwhelmed by the scope of the battle we're fighting, and how hopeless it can seem at times. It's only natural to need a change of pace now and again. And don't let's put it on Charlie - I mean to say, it wasn't anything specific that Charlie said, it was the way he said it. That you had 'enough to be going on with.' I suppose I just assumed he meant 'Sirius Black is an insensitive prat' because, well. I dunno, really. Wouldn't be the first time.

I think you know I'd do almost anything to make sure we can keep making it work. All of us. I can't imagine what it would be like if we weren't all here for each other.

[alt_nymphadora]

No more can I.

I'm not trying to change anything about us. Truly. I don't want it to change--I hope you don't, because you're well and truly stuck with us!

And... well. I don't want Charlie thinking I would want any kind of change.

You see?

It was only a friendly thing. Nothing at all more. Because he's his own life and his own loves, y'know? Different from ours, but that's where he's connected. He and I just like each other. And it's good for us to be able to pitch over other things and have someone to talk to who we've not got responsibilities with. Do you see?

So, don't tease him too much or he'll think I haven't understood. And I like him too much to have it go pear shaped like that.

[alt_sirius]

Darling cousin, I keep telling you, I'm the last person who requires an explanation on the benefits of a good, solid shag, or who needs to be told that shagging someone once (or even more than once) automatically means someone's going to fall in love, get married or any of that traditional bollocks.

And I know just why you want to keep it secret from the others. Merlin forbid Molly or Bill finds out - they'd both draw the wrong conclusions in their own ways. I've no interest in stirring that cauldron.

But that doesn't mean I don't derive a vicarious pleasure from seeing two people I care about enjoying one another's company (energetically).

Particularly when you leave openings one could fly an entire Quidditch side through. (In fact, Charlie as much as admitted he'd have been suspicious if I'd let his comment go unnoticed.)

So don't worry. I think 'stuck' with you and Bea is about as perfect as it gets.

[alt_nymphadora]

All right, then. Glad we've got that settled!


And don't you ever try uncomplicating my life by not existing. Hm?